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Cutting Pain by ~Hibachi-By-Moonlight:iconHibachi-By-Moonlight:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Spiritual > Open




Cutting Pain
By Soren Jean Lancastor-Tudor

Life spins in a vortex of black
Eyes do not see the pain
For if life were all roses in bloom,
From whence would the dirt come from?

Lies do not exist in true pain.
In God we trust and know he’s right,
But how do we deal with the aftereffects?
For all we love escapes when we see no flaws in God’s plan.

Betrayal is not from God – Does not exist in the here and now
I don’t love pain, but sadness with not be resolved
Cutting is wrong, but the pain helps
Prayer should be a substitute
So I don’t feel like a fool in front of God.
©2006-2008 ~Hibachi-By-Moonlight
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Submitted: October 12, 2006
File Size: 778 bytes
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Resolution: 800×600
Comments: 4
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*kailana-sama:iconkailana-sama: Oct 14, 2006, 8:32:51 AM
.... that is a biiiiit emo.

Good over all, even though I don't read a lot of prose, so I can't entirely judge right...

Only one like I have a question about? "but the pain help" ... **is a grammer Nazi** SIG HEIL... Shouldn't it be 'but the pain helps'?

Repetition of the word 'pain' is good, but once again, just a biiiit emo... and Emo is a biiiit overdone.

(( not to be insulting or anything, I'm just saying... I could surf randomly and probably find 100 other pieces like this.. ))

Take care of yourself!

- Dag
~Hibachi-By-Moonlight:iconHibachi-By-Moonlight: Oct 14, 2006, 1:13:55 PM
I know it is a little too emo. I didn't write it that way on purpose. It just came out that way. I wrote it because I have had two people I know die this last week, and it was a little too much. I wrote this poem and repetatively listened to Evanescence's "Call Me When Your Sober."
About the grammer: Go Grammer Nazis!!!
I'm an English major, remember? I want to have correct grammer. Thank you for the comment, also.

--
"Don't do anything you wouldn't want to have to explain to the paramedics."
:iconorg-infinity:
~Saek:iconSaek: Mar 18, 2007, 3:54:00 PM
I really like the way you worded all this. I think it took a slightly different spin on old cliches, especially the dirt line. Since the whole thing was quite original, I thought the cutting line was a little low in inspiration compared to the rest of the poem. But since I read the comment below, I'll shut up about it =X
~Hibachi-By-Moonlight:iconHibachi-By-Moonlight: Mar 18, 2007, 7:11:05 PM Mood: Obsessed
YAY! THanks for seeing the inspiration in there! :heart:

--
"Don't do anything you wouldn't want to have to explain to the paramedics."
:iconorg-infinity:
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